By ignoring the past, we are encouraged to repeat its mistakes. The ‘generation gap’ is an important social tool for any repressive society. If the younger members of a community view the older members as contemptible or suspect or excess, they will never be able to join hands and examine the living memories of the community, nor ask the all important question, ‘Why?’ This gives rise to a historical amnesia that keeps us working to invent the wheel every time we have to go to the store for bread.
We find ourselves having to repeat and relearn the same old lessons over and over that our mothers did because we do not pass on what we have learned or because we are unable to listen. For instance, how many times has this all been said before? For another, who would have believed that once again our daughters are allowing their bodies to be hampered and purgatoried by girdles and high heels and hobble skirts?
Audre Lorde
Audre Lorde wrote the essay Age, Race, Class and Sex in 1980! Though we no longer wear girdles, we wear spanx; high heels are replaced with stilettos; people have been hospitalised thanks to their skinny jeans cutting off their circulation; and diets are still a thing. Will we ever learn?
I don’t know. I do know that when a woman tells me that they need to lose weight I wonder if they think that I do too. Didn’t we cover this years ago? This picture was a poster on my wall when I was at University in the 1990s:
I am a feminist. I am a Body Positive movement teacher. I believe in Health at Every Size, I believe in the Obesity Paradox and I also know (how many scientific studies does a person need to read?) that diets. Don’t. Work. And despite knowing that we all have a right to feel good in our bodies - I often wish I was smaller (sad trombone).
Here are some affirmations that I have used to give me back control over the patriachal bully in head:
I am strong, smart and kind. I am well. My family are well. Being skinny won't help me enjoy life more.
My post baby body has not only carried me through life but has created and birthed two other human beings. I wouldn’t swap them for a skinny tummy.
I am an amazing person who is capable of doing incredible things. Will losing weight change that?
It is my responsibility to care for my body and treat it well. My nutrition choices are an act of love to my body.
If I could see myself for a day then I’d see how everyone else sees me and I don't think they care what size I am.
Deprivation is a difficult mindset. I eat like I love myself; I fill myself with goodness; I fuel my body; I deserve to eat when I am hungry.
'Diets turn normal eaters into people who are afraid of food.'
My life has a bigger purpose than weight loss. No-one ever wonders how much Marie Curie weighed. Ever
I shouldn’t have to say any of these things to myself but I haven’t really learned the lessons of the women before me - I hope our daughters do.